One small rave

Well, it has been a rough few weeks. NYC is having its first real spring in years: damp, wet weather with lots of wind and oscillating temperatures - great for the trees, bad for me. I was pure red all last week, and even spiked to red-black for a few days. Yet I was still able was able to work on the novel a bit and tinker with this site, which is a real accomplishment for me. Hence the cocktails last night, planned in a fit of exuberance as the sun came out.

Only this is a real spring, and by the time I left the apt, rain was back in the air. It was hard just getting down to Rock Center; and I was forced to call my K and tell him to come and get me once I got there. As I waited for him, watching all the Spors rush by, not even realizing how lucky they were to be able to move so quickly (rush-rush-rush- rush-rush!) I admit I got a bit overwhelmed. Everything seemed so hard at that moment. But then my K came and refused to let me feel sorry for myself (he’s good at that, the jerk). And as always, we managed to find just the perfect place to sit and rest. Sometimes, sitting in a beautiful bar with a beautiful man, watching the rain come down, is all you need to remember how special life is.

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Everyday rave

My list for today of things that make me happy.

Watering my plants and watching them grow.
Watching the city sparrows come and eat at our bird feeder.
Seeing our cat luxuriate in the sunshine.
Waving to K from our window as he walks to work.
Hearing from family and friends.
Setting goals and trying to attain them.
Going up the stairs to the roof (yea roof!) and then, as a reward, enjoying the sunshine (yea sunshine!) and the breeze and the view.
Being able to type again.
Being able to write again.

Now, I suppose that some might say that this is a pretty mundane list; that these things make me happy because they are the only things that I can do. To these types, I say, “Bite me.” I can (and do) enjoy the 'finer' things in life - we live in NYC, after all. But that great meal we had or that glorious concert we heard isn’t really going to cheer me up when I feel rotten.

Yes, my life can be difficult. Sometimes it actually sucks. Yet there are good things that come out of always being ill. I know plenty of Spors who go through life missing the beauty of the everyday. If it is not bright and shiny and new (or at least expensive) then it is of no use to them. Deep down I’ve always had the awful feeling that, had I not become ill when I was a child, I might have turned into one of those types. Instead, I have been granted the grace to see the world as the wonderous, miraculous mess that it is, and to revel in it.

So then, why not think of good days (like today, for me) as shiny pennys. Pick 'em up and put them in your pocket and save 'em for a rainy day. You'll be glad you did. Trust me.

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