Bad day

I have tried hard not to be negative in these posts, under the belief that no one wants to read a whiner. Not only has this not been a true depiction of my reality (I whine a lot), it also isn’t true. I, at least, don't mind listening to my SCBFs complain. So, for the sake of fairness, I am putting up a small rant today.

I feel like crap. My body is heavy. I can feel gravity pressing down on me, and it hurts. It hurts a lot, and there is no escape from it. That good mood from the last post? Gone. Like it never happened. I’ve spent the last five days barely able to move from one end of the apartment to the other. The pain is starting to make serious inroads into my psyche, which is never a good sign. I feel like I will never be able to move again. My K and I are supposed to go watch a World Cup match tomorrow and I am afraid that there will be too much of a crowd, and that my fragility is going to ruin it for everyone. I hate being afraid; I never used to be this afraid, and I am not sure how to fix it. It might not be fixable. Reality has changed somewhat since that car accident; I don’t want to accept that, but there you go. I hate that my K spends so much time trying to make life better for us. I hate that he has so little time to help me. I hate not being able to go out on my own. I hate being so dependant on others. I hate not being able to contribute. I hate feeling helpless.

Ok. So I guess I’m pretty pissed off today in general. Now you know I haven’t been posting rants; they’re not particularly pretty. Time to shake it off. I’ve been working on some writing – chances are the stuff today (like this one) won’t be the best, but doing something is always better than doing nothing. Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day. If it isn’t, there is always the next one. Good days always come along, eventually. If I look hard enough, I’ll find one again.

Thanks for listening.